It is May 6th - which should mean that it is Spring outside - and when it is spring outside that means that we will be wearing spring clothes inside to work. Because of this fact, I decided to pull the good ole spring/summer "shants" out of my closet for the first time since last year. The funny thing is, despite the fact that I own a pair (and only one) I actually hate these shants and always regret my decision for wearing them.
Let me explain.....Just in case you did not attend Cerro Villa Middle School or Villa Park High School I will fill you in on the back story, the term "shants," and the outrage that ensued when these short pants came into style. My outfit choice for today has brought all of this back to me and now -holy crap- 13 years later (eff I am old) I can discuss why these pants - despite their comfort and function- make me feel like the least attractive person on earth every single time I wear them.
Back when we were Vikings, hanging out a Cerro Villa (the year before we switched to uniforms) Capri pants were very-much-so in style. Pretty much every girl had them on every single day. Some girls wore them with tennis shoes ( i never did), some wore them with those god awful platform rocket dog flip flops, some wore doc marten loafers (i think)...but it really was all anyone had on. The boys at our middle school noticed and immediately took offense. I can think of 2 guys in particular that will remain nameless but just for fun their initials were DS and MW. These guys literally made signs and posted them on campus telling girls just how awful they really looked....Seriously full color posters and neck danglers with drawings of ugly pants on them. When you would ask for an explanation, they were ready with many:
- the length of the non-shorts non-pants makes every girl appear to have (another very bad hybrid) "cankles"
- It doesn't matter if you are J-lo....your butt inevitably becomes elongated and icky looking when you are wearing shants
- and last but not least...unless you are Audrey Hepburn or Calista Flockhart the lines of these pants pretty much adds 15 pounds on to each thigh regardless of your height or starting weight.
They really are awful and the boys knew much better than the girls. I know this though- so I don't really get why I haven't completely given them up? It isn't like my ankles get super hot....and I certainly don't like looking like I have a long butt and cankles so wtf? I guess it is the variety I like?
Variety shmariety I think this is the last time I will wear these. MW and DS you win....I made that official when I tried to take a picture of what i have on to post with this little story BUT my ankles looked so fat I couldn't bring myself to post it - and i don't have fat ankles . Ha ha.