Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Giant Eff-You jeans

Being that it is nearing the end of August I have started to think about how I can improve my wardrobe moving into the lovely season of fall. My preparation has included a few trips to the mall and lots of clicks on "Must-Have Wardrobe for Fall" emails. Pretty much, it seems like the only way to be fashionable (past year and present) is to have a whole gaggle of skinny jeans. I hate these things. Never have I ever in my life felt like my legs were anything but fabulous until I tried these (as I mentioned above) "Giant eff you Jeans" on.....I call them that because pretty much I just picture about 10,000 little Rachel Zoe's sitting at sewing machines conspiring against all women who weigh more than 92 pounds because they are angry that we eat cheesburgers and still managed to look okay in regular person jeans. With these effers still in style I feel like i am sentenced to be anti-trendy, unfashionable, and unhappy until a.) I have lost enough weight to look decent in "skinny jeans" or b.) until the style is fazed out completely in favor of something like "pleasantly plump straight leg - you don't have to want to hang yourself in the dressing room anymore" jeans.

I feel like I get slapped in the face every time I remind myself that "skinny" does not fit me... and i don't really think it is because i am fat, I think it is because i am not petite. I can wear leggings or work out pants without a second thought, but somehow these just don't work at all. And just in case that point hasn't been 100% proven by meerly trying them on - Those little mini Rachel Zoe's even put out pictures of the women who are pregnant that happen to look better than me in this style. ....I mean seriously? You have another person crammed in your stomach? How is this possible?

So just to be clear, I am really confused. I don't want to be unfashionable, but i also cant handle the way my calves and ankles look to be 15% of the size of my fairly normal sized thighs. Am i paying too much attention to the feeling of being a "stuffed sausage" and maybe not really realizing that i don't necessarily look like one? Am I the only person that doesn't think I have fat legs but still seriously hates these jeans? Help me out.... maybe give me a brand suggestion if you do happen to have a favorite pair. I dunno? If trying on one more pair makes me feel like I am Ruby again I may just give up entirely. So be careful if you suggest something... and if you are 92 pounds - or Rachel Zoe I don't care what you have to say - you lucky bitches:)


Christi Ferguson said...

I despise skinny jeans. De-spise. I'm in the same boat as you... only on the short end of the spectrum. I have long legs for such a short person, but skinny jeans make me look like I'm 4 feet tall. And they make me look like my legs come to a point. I happen to like the shape of my legs as 2 independent limbs. I also hate that little middle school boys look better in them than I do. I will never own a pair and eagerly wait for the day that they go out of style :) And the stuffed sausage reference... I say that all the time when I'm trying to squeeze into something! Too funny!

Cristina said...

I HATE HATE HATE them. And I hate how they won't go away! A couple years ago I thought they were just a fad, but they will not die!

I bought a pair of True Religion straight-leg jeans as my compromise. I don't LOVE them, but they fit easier into boots and don't make my legs look like giant drunksticks.

Ashley said...

I hate them.
And I dislike people they look good on even more.