Friday, March 25, 2011

baby advice is annoying.

As of late, I am settling into my new routine as a stay-at-home-mom, but just this week started to integrate a few hours of work in as well. I have really lucked out working for some great people that are allowing me to continue working (on a much much smaller scale) from the comfort of my own little casa just so that i can kind of stay in the swing of things and have a few adult conversations throughout the day...all while wearing my pajamas and staring at ashlyn in the next room over of course! i am so fortunate for this situation, and i know it.

Anywyas, because i am now working a little bit I am focusing a little more on getting ashlyn on a schedule...a flexible one...but a schedule nonetheless. I had heard a ton about "babywise" so I downloaded it onto my kindle and i am about 1/2 way through it after the first day. Except for "what to expect when you are expecting" this was my first baby book. I was just looking for a bit of predictability when it comes to nap time so that i can schedule my work time accordingly.

I am soooo not the "i read books on raising children" kind of mom. Most of them i find to be so annoying and almost insulting to your intelligence - like it really freaks me out that someone had to write this stuff down because there are actually moms out there that just sooooo dont get it. But Babywise was sold to me as being a little different. It is about parents taking the lead and making decisions for their baby...but with some structure.

that was similar to my philosophy so i tried it.

Long story short.... it is what i was already doing but in a slightly different order.

the book tells you to feed your with your baby....and then let your baby sleep at 3 hour intervals.....except for night where you skip from feed to sleep.
Ummmm i go feed, sleep, play most of the time and it seems to work great, but apparently inverting the 2nd and 3rd activity in this cycle is where i go all wrong...according to the book if she was feed, play, sleeping she would be sleeping 9-11 hours straight at night.

really? i'm not buying it.
i just don't see how that little tweak will change her world.
i don't know though...maybe it will so i am (sort of) trying it....and i'll admit, i am trying it out of guilt.

Guilt sucks.

Ashlyn sleeps well right now - i get a five hour stretch from 10-3 and then she usually gets up to eat again at 5 and one last time at 7am. It is manageable and she goes right back to sleep when she does get up so honestly, I'm not complaining. i am not a zombie mom that is crazy that struggles through every day deprived of sleep. Our daytime routine is great too....even if she isnt napping she is super content to spend time in her bouncy chair while i make dinner, take a shower or sweep the floor (or whatever).

i guess i read the book for 2 reasons:
#1 improvement is never a bad thing
#2 i guess i wanted some kind of validation that what i was already doing was the best way

so i read the book.
bad idea.
not the book necessarily...but i realized that it is just soooo counter productive to look for validation anywhere besides paying attention to the fact that your baby is happy and content....And i think sooo many people make this mistake.

My feeling is that there should seriously be a disclaimer on all baby advice that says "listen to this only if you are smart enough and confident enough to totally dismiss it if it is going to make you crazy"

I have learned one thing after 3 months of being a mom that i care to pass along:
everyone (in the whole wide world) except for your baby will tell you that you should be doing something different and or better than what you have already done..... and it will make you CRAZY.

There. Thats it. That is my one piece of baby advice. My friend stacy told me this before i had ashlyn and it really was the one thing that made me feel super confident about being a mom. I do believe that you just figure it out. As long as you aren't some crazy meth long as you have the desire to be a good mom....stay confident in your abilities, stay in charge....and you will succeed. Don't read books like they are the bible and don't pay attention to the crazy loads of unsolicited parenting advice unless you are truly ready to defend in your own mind that what you have already done is probably just fine. Oh, and learn to decipher between what interests you and what will just end up making you feel inadequate. forget the bad stuff and stay positive!

i am going to just keep doing what i am doing and hope for the best.
forget the books!... i don't have time for them in "my schedule" anyways lol...jk.


Erin said...

you cant read books, they are dumb and don't all apply to you. Every kid is so different and your parenting is always better than any book!

Christi Ferguson said...

Obviously I'm not a mom yet, but LOVED this post. My dad and his wife have 2 year old twins and they are OBSESSED with books and doing things the "right way" and having an explaination for everything. It's so funny when Graham and I watch them because we're totally clueless about the "right ways" and just have fun with them. They sleep and eat with no problems (which they struggle doing with my parents) and they laugh! So, in my mind, that makes us the worlds best babysitters! I would take your parenting advice over a books any day! My favorite part...

"it is just soooo counter productive to look for validation anywhere besides paying attention to the fact that your baby is happy and content....And i think sooo many people make this mistake."

Your baby is beautiful and I'm sure your a great, GREAT momma =)

Mary Kate said...

Best part about being a mom is the kids. Worst part about being a mom is that someone is always looking to "up the ante". You said it perfectly! Take the advice you like and throw the rest away! (Including this comment! lol)

Jenny DB said...

It sounds like you have a really good mindset about this whole motherhead thing - you obviously have a happy beautiful baby girl so you gotta be doing somethings right :-) I say books, and moreso unsolicited opinions, are way overrated haha

Jenny DB said...

*motherhood not motherhead ha

ali said...

Uh...feeling kind of dumb that I bought you a baby book...JK! I read Baby Wise before Robbie came along and I still ended up doing the feed, sleep, play cycle like you. I remember at some point switching the playing and eating part, but that's only b/c Robbie changed, not me. Either way - he still didn't sleep til he was 9 months! Firm believer that your baby will tell you what they need/want and when. Miss you guys...can't wait to see that little girl on Sat!

ali said...

And while I was leaving that comment, I didn't realize that my baby was face down in his toy bin with his legs flailing in the air, calling for me...i am in no position to give advice ;)

ali said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. ummmmmm......Brownell said...

I don't have my own human baby, but I hated annoying dog advice. We trained our dog to the best of our ability, and didn't really need other people to help us out.

Being a teacher, I would agree that reading the books about "how" to do something is kind of stupid. I went to 2 years of teacher school, but the first day of actually "doing" it was SO much different! Each kid is different and books can't really address that.

I'm sure you are the perfect mother who addresses Ashlyn's individual needs.

Ashley @ KiwisandCocktails said...

I read all the time while pregnant, but not one book about what to actually do when the kid is here. I did watch Happiest Baby on the Block- and the shit that DVD said to do really works...We look like fools doing some of it, but our baby has never cried for more than 2 minutes (in the short week we have had her) haha, but my friend read babywise, and I dont have the desire to yet. Things are working here too, so I'm not looking for any advice AT this time! Keep up the good work Momma :)